


Prodigy

by goldieslove



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, mention of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25483888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldieslove/pseuds/goldieslove
Summary: Jaehyun has to watch his husband, a violin prodigy, lost in his passion and ambition, and he might get burnt in process.
Relationships: Bong Jaehyun/Kim Jibeom
Comments: 6
Kudos: 47





	Prodigy

**Author's Note:**

> The idea was originated from golcha's wanabe performance in RTK, but I just get to finish it now. And since it's a bongbeom fic, i make jibeom the violin prodigy hehe
> 
> The summary sucks, but I don't know what to write while not spoiling the content of the fic. 
> 
> Warning! this fic contains depression and some phychology issue so don't read it it might affect you. 
> 
> I have no knowledge in violin, medical and legal things and I'm tooclazy to do intensive research, so there might be inaccuracies, please understand. 
> 
> Enjoy ❤

The melody of Paganini Caprice No. 24 in A minor filled the dim room. Contrary to the emotional violin sound, the room was chill. There's only one man sitting on the couch, eyes were focused on the violinist who played one of the hardest violin pieces ever.

Kim Jibeom was only 29, but he had had performed solo in the biggest concert hall in South Korea. The violinist was a prodigy. Everyone who learn music must have heard of his name. Kim Jibeom started his career as member of Seoul Philharmonic Orchestra when he's only 19. Only one and a half year later, he was appointed to replace the first violinist and was trusted to perform a solo piece. His career started to climb fast since then.

The violinist started to get recognitions. Offers came, started from interviews, show guestings and even a solo recital. At start, Kim Jibeom played classical music, but a piece that he personally wrote for fun caught the attention of a producer, and that was how the violinist produced his first album, containing the songs he wrote. He was only 25 at that time.

Jaehyun watched the violinist on his TV screen. The performance was actually an old clip, it's a performance that happened 7 years ago to be exact. He was among the audience when Kim Jibeom performed that piece. In fact, he was sitting on the first row. He still remembered the chill he got from the vibration of the sound produced by the bow and strings. Piano and cello accompanied the performance, but the prodigy made everything aside him blur. Kim Jibeom was like he's transformed into someone else when he's with violin. The shine on his eyes was chilling, his fingers danced skillfully and precisely on the instrument. His performance was flawless. Now as he rewatched the recording, he still got the same chill.

The only difference was his feeling. He remembered his heart was filled with adoration and proudness when he watched the violinist performing live. However, this time he couldn't feel or think of anything aside that he felt lonely, like there's a hollowness inside his heart. 

A vibration from his phone made him startled. He immediately turned the volume down and picked his phone up.

"Daeyeol hyung. What's up?"

Jaehyun's expression turned even more dim at what his friend had just said.

"No, he.. He's not at home."

He stared at the violinist on the screen, his free fingers absentmindedly toying with his shorts.

"Oh.. Maybe he's busy."

"I think he's in the studio."

"Hm.. I don't know when will he go back home."

"Yeah, he said he's busy."

"Oh, okay. Yeah sure, I'll let him know."

A tired sigh came out from his mouth. He glanced at his phone. It's almost midnight. He sighed again as he looked at his phone wallpaper. 

Two happy faces were staring back at him. Back then, they were happy.

Back then, Jibeom wasn't like this.

*****

Jaehyun could play violin too. He learnt because his mother wanted him to. Despite being a music lover, he didn't find passion in learning the instrument. However, he didn't regret anything. Because from learning violin, he got to know Jibeom.

He met Jibeom when they both joined student orchestra in their district. They're same age friend and they clicked so well. Jibeom was brilliant ever since young. The boy would often help him by giving advices and accompanied him to practice.

When he decided to quit and focused on his study, he still kept in touch with Jibeom. He'd go to the rehearsal and watch the performance whenever he had time, and they hung out to have fun too.

They officially became a couple when they're 20, not long after Jibeom joined Seoul Philharmonic Orchestra. He fully supported Jibeom's flourishing career while he pursued his own career as jewelry designer. Four years later, they tied the knot.

Everything was simple and beautiful back then. Their apartment wasn't as big as now, and Jibeom wasn't as busy as now. They would wake up in the morning, having breakfast together before they went to work. Since Jibeom's schedule was more flexible, sometimes his husband would send him to train station, and sometimes they would meet to have lunch together.

But now..

Jaehyun couldn't even remember when was the last time they had real conversation.

Popularity and money definitely cost them a lot.

It was started when Jibeom's career started to climb up. He was required to practice more and his schedule was tighter. Not long after that, after Jibeom was offered to make an album, he got even more busy. He was doubtful because Jibeom had had a lot on his plate, but he knew Jibeom wanted that. As long Jibeom's happy, he would support his decision.

Producing album was more complicated than he thought. Beside his job in orchestra, he had to arrange songs for his album and held meeting with the producer and investors. Jibeom was stressed out, but Jaehyun didn't think much. He tried to provide comforts and support in any way he could. He thought it would be just temporary. 

If only he knew..

Jibeom barely had time for him. Weekdays were off limit. There were no more unplanned date and whatsoever. Jibeom also sometimes needed to work on weekends. When Jibeom's free, the man would be too tired to do anything else. At times, Jaehyun felt like they're merely housemates rather than husbands.

At first, Jibeom would compensate their lost time together with sweet hugs and kisses, apologetically said that he's busy and he'll make it up later. But lowly, as time went by, Jaehyun noticed how the man started to lose himself in music. Jibeom started to practice for hours even at home. The man would lock himself in the spare room that was set to be his studio, and practice over and over again. 

When he told his husband that he's working too hard, Jibeom desperately told him that he couldn't concentrate well, his fingers couldn't move as fast as he wanted, and he couldn't get the feeling out. Jaehyun tried his best to console his husband, trying to assure him that he had done well, but he couldn't help much. He could only give encouragement words, cook or buy Jibeom's favorite food, and bought vitamins and supplements to keep his husband healthy. Jibeom had been too hard on himself. He had always been into music, however, at certain point, Jibeom had completely lost in it.

Jibeom started to turn silent and easily got angry. Their communication ceased, it's like they had become stranger who were forced to live in one house. Jibeom had changed. His husband didn't talk about his problem and worries anymore. All he did was spending time in his studio or in the spare room to practice or make songs.

Jaehyun felt like he didn't know Jibeom anymore.

"Where's Jibeom?"

Jaehyun was prepared for the question, but he must hadn't practiced enough to act like he didn't care because Youngtaek's smile wavered. He ducked his head while sitting down, pretending to check something on his pants pocket.

"He has meeting with the producer, the deadline is near," He shrugged it off and put a small box on the table. "But he chose this for you."

He bit his inner cheek because he was lying. He chose the present and he bought it on his own. Jibeom was too busy to care. His husband even forgot they'll celebrate Youngtaek's birthday and scheduled a meeting with his producer instead.

Youngtaek silently took the box and opened it. Jaehyun saw Youngtaek stared at the present and then closed it. The man sent him a look, and Jaehyun knew Youngtaek saw through his lie.

"Thanks for the present. You certainly know what I like."

Jaehyun sighed, amd Youngtaek frowned.

"I don't get why you lied to me."

"…"

Noticing his friend's silence, Youngtaek stared at him in sympathy. "Is it that bad?"

Jaehyun had known Youngtaek since high school. The man could read him like an open book. Youngtaek was the only person he'd shared his worry about Jibeom. Although Youngtaek started off as his friend, but the man had grown close to Jibeom too.

"We.. We barely speak now."

"Why?" Youngtaek sounded worried

Jaehyun had told Youngtaek about how Jibeom became obsessed with work, but his friend didn't know how Jibeom always snapped at him when he reminded his husband to not overwork himself. Jibeom's eyes even showed different glint. Those eyes won't properly see him. There's no more warmth in his eyes.

Jaehyun rubbed his forehead and released a shaky breath. "I don't think he wants to talk to me anymore."

"Did you fight? What happened?" Youngtaek asked him softly, and he shrugged again. 

"I don't know.. Jibeom.. Feels so distant.. He's always working or practicing. Everytime I talk to him, I feel like he's barely listening," He trailed off, suddenly thinking whether it's right to tell this to Youngtaek. It's not that he didn't trust him, but Youngtaek could do unpredictable things, and the last thing he wanted was Youngtaek confronting Jibeom. 

"That brat," Youngtaek muttered under his breath in annoyance.

Jaehyun shot his head up and took Youngtaek's hand in urgency. "Promise me you won't say or do anything."

Youngtaek stared at him hard. "Did you have no plan to do anything at all? Talk to solve the matter? You told him he'd become distant and it was like what? Six months ago? I haven't seen him since ages ago."

Maybe he told Youngtaek six months ago, but Jibeom changed way longer than that. He couldn't remember exactly when, but he remembered his husband missed Youngtaek's birthday last year as well.

"The new album will come out soon, he's probably busy. He'll come around when he's less busy," He said, more like to convince himself. 

"It's not as if he's busy 24/7!" Youngtaek ranted. "That brat. Wait until I see him. He didn't even reply my message."

Seeing his friend got annoyed, Jaehyun quickly took out his wallet and took a certain card. He waved the card in front of Youngtaek's face, grinning as an attempt to lighten the mood. It was Youngtaek's birthday and they should spend it happily.

"Let's eat to our heart's content today."

The taller man squinted at the name on the card. "Jibeom's?"

Jaehyun nodded. One good thing about Jibeon was, he's not stingy. His husband barely gave him time, but Jibeom gave him credit cart with high limit, and the man never complained at how much he's spending with that card. Not that he used it much since he had his own job, but he had a feeling Jibeom didn't care about his spending. He knew his husband was loaded.

Youngtaek snatched the card with a grin and slammed it to the table. "Alright. Let's choose the best and we can continue with dessert in our usual place. Forget Jibeom, it's his loss he can't come."

Jaehyun laughed. He tried to push back the heavy thought about Jibeom. It's time to use a little time with his friend without worrying about his marriage.

*****

He did what the told Youngtaek. He'd been thinking while Jibeom was busy with the album release and performances, and the conclusion was he needed to do something. They got married because of love, he didn't want to end like this.

However, the more he thought, the more he felt insecure. It's silly to think he'd been replaced with a set of violin, but that happened. He remembered he was with Jibeom when his husband purchased that instrument. It's beautiful and light, made of an expensive wood material, polished to perfection. It's perfect for a prodigy like Jibeom. 

Now the violin spent more time with Jibeom than him. The irony.

Along with sadness, there's anger towards his husband too. How could Jibeom do this to him? How could he change drastically in a span of short time, how could he ignore him like this? He started to think, what if he didn't get married with Jibeom? What if he chose the senior who confessed to him during college instead?

One thing for sure, he needed to talk to Jibeom. He hadn't been quiet all this time, but every time he tried to argue with Jibeom, they ended up fighting and it made him feel horrible. He'd always given in to Jibeom. He loved Jibeom dearly and he hated to fight as it affected his mood a lot.

He needed to save their marriage, he needed to save Jibeom from his obsession in music or whatever it was

"I want to ask something," Jaehyun told Jibeom after dinner. It was rare occurrence they sat and had dinner together although they didn't speak much. Jibeom had certain aura that made him scared. But he had promised himself he'll talk today. Or else he could change his mind.

Jibeom, who had just stood up, turned his head and stared at him quietly. Jaehyun gulped. "I just wonder... Since you've done with your album.. Should we go for a vacation?"

Jibeom was still staring at him with no expression.

"It's been a while since we spend time together," Jaehyun explained and tried to convince his husband. "No need to go far. I know a place in Yeosu, there's a good hotel and nice scenery. We can go anytime you're convenient, I can take a couple days of leave."

"I can't," Jibeom replied in monotonous tone. "I'm busy."

The rejection was not surprising but it still hurt anyway. "B-but.. You're done with your album. And I've talked to Daeyeol hyung he said you're free.."

"I have something else to do," Jibeom cut him off. "I have practice and rehearsals."

Jaehyun sighed and stood up. "You work to hard, Jibeom-ah. You need some vacation to refresh yourself."

His intention was good. He's deeply concerned about his husband. Jibeom barely took care of himself. That's why it hurt when Jibeom flashed him an angry glare. "I can take care of myself, you don't have to care."

"What do you mean I don't have to care? I'm your husband!"

"Then stop whining! It's getting annoying really!"

Jaehyun's breath hitched. "W-what? Annoying?"

"Stop complaining and let me do my work! I do this for you too!"

Jaehyun felt anger rising inside him. "Don't use that as an excuse because you know we have enough and I have work too. I've never demanded anything else. I just want a bit of your time!"

"Never demanded anything?" Jibeom scoffed cynically. "You've been nagging all the time."

Jaehyun gaped. The man in front of him wasn't the man he loved. "I nagged? All the time?" His voice shook emotionally. "When did I.. Okay, maybe I nagged, but it's because you're always work and work. We didn't even talk! Is it wrong to ask a little time from you? Is it too much?"

Jibeom's jaw hardened. "Jaehyun, I have no time for this."

"Exactly! You've never had time for me!" He shouted. It hurt and he badly wanted to hit his husband and shook him so Jibeom would get back to his senses.

"Jaehyun, drop it!" Jibeom's voice started to raise. "I'm really busy right now and I can't go on vacation. Just go with your friends and let me do my things."

"It's not only about me, I do this for us! And it's not only about you don't have time for me," Jaehyun held Jibeom's hand, stopping him from leaving. "Jibeom, you've changed, you're obsessed with your violin, your music, your work. I don't think it's healthy anymore. Please, just listen to me once.. Just.. Forget the vacation.. just take a break, please. We can do anything you want. Even if it's just a day-"

"Jaehyun!" Jibeom swatted his hand angrily. "Did you hear me? Can't you understand? I told you I'm busy! You've totally ruined my mood."

Jaehyun watched in despair as Jibeom stormed inside his working room and slammed the door shut. Tears welled in his eyes. He pressed his fist to his mouth to stop himself from sobbing. It's too much for him. It's too painful.

Suddenly Jibeom came out from the room. Holding his violin case and a small bag. Although it wasn't an unusual sight, Jaehyun was alarmed. He immediately straightened up.

"Where are you going?"

Jibeom glared at him. "Anywhere but here."

Jaehyun felt like he had lost motoric function of his body. He didn't argue, he didn't try to stop Jibeom from leaving. He could only stand still. 

The front door was shut and he was left alone in the apartment. It took him a few seconds before he started to cry again.

*****

There were gossips circulating in the office. Jaehyun overheard the receptionist talked with the marketing staff a few days ago, and he also heard Jinah and Minhee from finance talked about the matter too. 

He didn't know where it came from, but apparently the whole office thought his marriage was in the verge of breaking.

Wait. Maybe he knew why. Jibeom had never been present in company gathering. The other staffs had took their partners once in a while. Jibeom had came too, when he hadn't been so busy with his work, but it was like years ago. 

They knew who Jibeom was, and his boss even personally asked him whether Jibeom could perform on the company's grand product launching. It was an important event and it wad an honor, but Jibeom right away said he couldn't and Jaehyun had to find excuses. It made him sad because Jibeom obviously knew how important the event was for him and his husband didn't even try to fit it into his schedule.

Jaehyun didn't like to be the subject of gossip, especially it wasn't a good one. So when there was a farewell dinner for his head department, he was determined to bring Jibeom along. He wasn't very optomistic, but he wanted to try.

Ever since his last confrontation, he had never tried to talk with Jibeom again. Jibeom came back home 2 days after that painful day with no sign that he's still angry, but it didn't mean he's warmed up either. He's just as cold as usual.

Jaehyun fiddled with his thumbs. He's been doing so while standing a meter away from the door. Jibeom was behind that door. The violin sound could be vividly heard from the insulated room. 

He stepped closer, carefully, and pressed his ears to the door. Jibeom was practicing a classical song this time. It sounded familiar, but he didn't know the title. Although he's not an expert, but he thought Jibeom had played the piece perfectly. 

A weird feeling came crossed his heart. He'd known Jibeom since long time ago, when his husband was still a student and learning violin pieces. He witnessed Jibeom struggling to master certain skills. Watching and hearing Jibeom played well like this, he felt so proud. However, there's a seed of hate inside his heart. Violin had taken Jibeom away from him.

The music slowly came to an end and he suddenly felt nervous again. He counted 3 seconds after the song ended and knocked.

The door opened and a rather displeased looking Jibeom appeared. Jaehyun unconsciously gripped his wedding ring around his finger and nervously rolled it around.

"What?"

"Uhm.." The words he'd been arranging inside his head vanished once he sensed his husband's bad mood. 

"Jibeommie.. I'm.. Hm.. You see my head department will be promoted next week. He'll have to move to the main branch in Hongdae and-"

"Jaehyun," Jibeom cut shortly. "Just get to the main point."

Jaehyun immediately bit his lips. "There'll be a farewell dinner next Saturday. Everybody will bring their partners. I'm hoping you can come with me."

Jibeom opened the door wider and stepped forward. Jaehyun's eyes widened, thinking that Jibeom would agree. The violinist stopped right at the door frame, leaning on it and put his hands inside his pocket.

"I thought I've made it clear that I don't like gatherings unless I have to be there."

The hope in his heart crashed down. Not only because of the rejection, but Jibeom implicitly stated that he meant nothing to the violinist.

"Gatherings like that is just a waste of time. I can arrange a new song instead or I can practice to a new piece for the orchestra."

"It means a lot to me," Jaehyun said shakily. "It means a lot to me to see my husband meeting my friends and colleagues. It means a lot to me to see my husband shows interest in my working and social life."

"So what?" Jibeom's tone was lazy. "So you can show me around to your friend?"

Jaehyun shook his head in disbelieve. "Why do you always have bad thoughts about me? I just want us to go together to my company's event, just like other couples do!"

"I don't want to go, Jaehyun. I hate gatherings. You're fine on your own. You're not a kid who needs a babysitter," Jibeom growled and Jaehyun knew if he didn't back down, they'll end up fighting. 

But he didn't care. The rationality inside his head had gone , chased away by Jibeom's irrationality. At the moment, he didn't care anything anymore. His anger had clouded his mind.

"I've never forced you to go to my company's events before. I've been trying to understand, but not anymore, Jibeom. You always put me as the least priority and I'm so sick of it. You don't consider me as your husband anymore. I've asked Daeyeol hyung about your schedule and he'd confirmed that you're free this Saturday, and I won't take a no from you, Jiebom. Not this time. This is my last straw."

Something dangerous flashed on Jibeom's eyes. "You're threatening me now?"

Jaehyun's eyes were wet from unshed tears from anger and fear, but he won't back down. "You can say so," He answered firmly. "I'm tired of you being so ignorant of my life and my feelings. I'm not marrying to a music freak-"

"Say that one more time!" Jibeom moved forward angrily. "What did you call me?"

He's aware he might have sounded rude, but he just wanted to hurt Jibeom, to let the man know how much he'd been hurting. 

"You're a music freak!" He shouted right at Jibeom's face. "Everyday it's just about your stupid music and violin! And stop giving me excuse that you do that for us. You can ask anyone and they'll say you're obsessed with how much time you spend on your violin. Just marry your violin if you love it that much!

"Shut up!"

Jaehyun braced himself as Jibeom raised his hand, ready to hit him. The hit never came because the violinist stopped himself right before his hand touched Jaehyun's face. 

Jaehyun cried, disbelieved that Jibeom was going to hit him. Jibeom he fell in love with was kind and gentle. He wouldn't hurt a single fly. He wasn't sure whether he wanted this marriage anymore. 

"We're going together on Saturday 6 pm," Jaehyun finally said with a final after a long agonizing silence.

That was his last straw.

*****

Jibeom went out on Saturday morning. He didn't need to ask because he knew Jibeom had a meeting on lunchtime. Jibeom didn't confirm he would go with him to the dinner party, but he didn't ask him either. He had enough begging.

Half of him was not hopeful, but half of him was still holding on. He loved Jibeom and he wanted to fix this. Where they'll go next will be determined after tonight. If Jibeom didn't want to cooperate, then he had no choice to give him. 

Life like this, it's not healthy for him anymore. 

Waiting was very agonizing. By the time the clock struck 4 and Jibeom hadn't come back home, he started to get scared. Still, his pride forbid him to call his husband.

Jaehyun took shower at 5 with ears straining to any sound from the front door. 

5.30. He'd worn his clothes and combed his hair. Still no sign of Jibeom.

5.45. He sat on the couch, phone clutched on his hand. Every time there's notification came in, he just jumped and immediately checked it, and every time, he's disappointed because it's not from his husband.

5.55. He must have looked wrecked from crying. Tears won't stop flowing.

6.00. Just 5 more minutes. He'll wait for 5 minutes.

6.05. Five more minutes.

6.10. Five more minutes.

6.15. He washed his face. He had started to feel numb. It's good. He couldn't break down in front of everyone.

6.20. He took the car key, but decided to put it down again. He's not in the mood to drive. He just take taxi instead.

6.22. He closed the door and walked down to the lobby. 

Jibeom hadn't come back.

*****

"What the hell are you doing here??"

Jibeom was harshly snapped out from composition by Daeyeol's loud voice. He tore his eyes from the music sheet and found his manager stood in front of the studio door. 

"Aren't you supposed to go with Jaehyun tonight?"

_Thump!_

The sudden realization hit him like a train. He frantically searched for his phone.

The day was hell. The meeting didn't end really well, the producer demanded ridiculous thing, he had lost one page of his manuscript and had to rewrite it. He was over the edge since the meeting ended.

His heart literally stopped beating for a second when he saw "6.30 pm" glaring at him from his phone screen.

"Shit!"

Knowing he's in trouble, Daeyeol quickly approached the violinist and handed his jacket. "Call him and hurry up go him. I'll clean the studio."

Jibeom took the jacket, mumbling a small thanks and ran out from the studio. Still, he didn't call Jaehyun. It's only 10 minutes ride from the studio to his apartment. He'll just drive fast, he'll change clothes, spray some perfume and they'll go to the boring dinner. He's a little late, but Jaehyun would wait for him. Jaehyun always waited for him.

But would he wait this time?

_This is my last straw._

A simple sentence. Jaehyun didn't know how powerful word it was, how much effect it had for him. For someone who's patient like Jaehyun, it made him shivered.

Jibeom licked his dry lips as he sped up. Jaehyun looked so angry and so done that time. It was like Jaehyun was at his limit, and that's why he didn't argue back. His heart told him not to argue back. He'll just please his husband for once.

But he'd messed up.

He literally run towards his apartment, punching the passcode furiously and flung the door opened.

It was dark and empty.

Jaehyun didn't wait for him.

*****

Violin and him were fated. Jibeom knew it when he first mastered to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and received a compliment from his violin teacher. The basics were quite boring, but once he could play a song, his perception changed. 

He could spend hours playing the song over and over, and learning new songs the teacher hadn't taught him. He found satisfaction in producing the notes, breathing his feeling to the song he's playing. His fingers danced on their own accord on the string and his right hand which was holding the bow controlled the bow movement. Up. Down. Up. Down. Press harder. Press lighter. Bounce.

His teacher said he's a prodigy. He bagged trophies and medals on competitions, and Jibeom knew that's it. It's his world. It's where he meant to be.

Meeting Jaehyun, he believed, was a fate too. Just like how it brought a new color of his life, the violin also brought Jaehyun to his life. 

They hit it off very well, and although Jaehyun's wasn't as brilliant as some other violinist, he stirred something inside his heart. They boy was cute and innocent, working hard in his violin, but still searching what he really wanted in life. He could tell Jaehyun wasn't really passionate in violin, and probably would leave violin sooner or later. But he cherished the time he spent together.

Jaehyun left violin when he's 17, wanting to focus on his school and joining an art academy. Jibeom cheered for him and wished him the best. He knew Jaehyun would work hard in everything he did.

Despite not meeting in routine for orchestra practice and rehearsal, their relationship got stronger. Jibeom felt blessed to have Jaehyun as his first love, and finally his first boyfriend. Just like him with his violin, he thought him and Jaehyun were fated together.

Although being called prodigy, Jibeom had never had a big dream. He just loved to play violin, and he loved it when people said they're touched to hear the songs he played. That's the magic of music and that's why he fell in love with it.

His career skyrocketing after he got married. He got more opportunities to share his music to audiences, and hot the chance to perform violin solo on important events. Jaehyun was always by his side, supporting him. Jaehyun would always sat on the first row, purchasing ticket with his own money although he could get one for him for free. When he performed, he would spot Jaehyun watching him on the audience seat with twinkle of adoration in his eyes.

But the saying was true. Just like plant, the more it grew high, harsh wind would blow, trying to shake its stem and leaves. Sometimes he just didn't have enough time to practice, sometimes he wasn't in his best condition, sometimes he made a mistake, and when that time came, critics and harsh words came and hit him like a tidal wave.

He'd lived in praises since young, and those words affected him a lot. But still, Jaehyun was still on his side, comforting him.

"You're a human, Jibeom," Jaehyun would say. "You're not a machine. You make mistake because you're a human and that's okay."

However, he didn't want to make mistake. He's a prodigy. He could play without mistakes, he would play flawlessly. He'll show the world and prove the people who mocked him that they're wrong. He won't lose to other violinists. Hong Joochan, a new rising violinist, he won't lose to him.

He practiced harder, pushing himself to a limit he'd never touched before. He took the opportunity to write his own songs and produce an album. He was so drown in his own ambition, and he's content with it. Practicing until his fingers hurt and writing beautiful songs made him felt safe. He'll be okay. He'll do great.

"Jaehyun," The name came out from his mouth in a barely soft, cracked whisper.

How could he be so blind. How could he forget about his biggest supporter, ignoring him, and lost in his own world?

Now that he's not blind anymore, Jaehyun was the one who had turned blind.

"What do you want?"Jaehyun face was drenched in tears, but his voice was full of venom. "Why are you here? Why are you wasting your time to come here? You can practice or compose new song instead."

The words stabbed right to his heart. How Jaehyun used his own words to go against him was ironically painful.

"I come to see you," He said brokenly, as he walked slowly towards his husband. "How are you feeling?"

"Now you care?" Jaehyun flashed him a glare, but ended up glaring at the wall behind him instead. Jibeom felt like crying. 

It's his fault. If only he came back on time. If only he called.

Jaehyun wouldn't end up in that cursed taxi. The drunk driver was killed in the accident, but it costed Jaehyun's sight too.

"You've never cared, but why now? Go away!" Jaehyun wildly pushed him away. He held his husband, afraid that Jaehyun would lose balance and fell. But it only made Jaehyun trashed harder.

"Go away and never come back again!"

"Jaehyun, please don't be like this."

He begged and begged, but it fell into deaf ears. Jaehyun was shouting and struggling until Youngtaek and Jaehyun's mother came. Youngtaek dragged him out from the room and closed the door behind him. He stood there on the hallway, shaken. The nurses and passersby glanced at his direction and Jaehyun's room because of his husband's shouts. 

He'd never seen Jaehyun like that, not even in their hottest arguments. Jaehyun had always been soft spoken, he often had to repeat himself because other people couldn't hear him.

For Jaehyun to shout like this, he must be so angry and devastated.

"Just go home," Youngtaek said. "We'll take care of him."

Jibeom shook his head. He couldn't just leave like this..

"It's no use," Youngtaek said. "He's not emotionally stable right now. You can.. talk.. later. It's for the best."

He knew Youngtaek was right. But he really couldn't leave.

A hand landed on his back, patted him a few times before pulled back. "Go home. I'll update you about his condition."

*****

It's ironic.

He used to hate it when Jaehyun nagged him. Every time he went home, he wished Jaehyun would be busy or maybe go out with his friends so he would have time for himself. Sometimes after dealing with orchestra, with music, with the producers, and other people, he just wanted to be alone.

The apartment felt so sad and empty without his husband. 

He sat on the same couch where he usually found Jaehyun sat while waiting for him. The leather felt cool on his skin, but he couldn't enjoy it. He hadn't been sleeping for the last two days. 

He still could feel how shock he was when he got a call, informing about the accident. The fear was the worst he'd ever felt. He died on the second time when doctor said Jaehyun might lose his vision due to the head trauma that caused damage on his optic nerve. It could be partial, or total vision loss.

It was his fault. If only he wasn't late. If only he made it back on time. If only he right away went home after meeting. 

If only..

If only..

But he couldn't turn back time.

*****

"He's fine," Youngtaek said before he could even ask. He looked up from his untouched warm coffee. Youngtaek looked tired and grim. When the man sat down, he immediately waved the waitress and asked for a cup of black coffee. 

There were so many questions he wanted to ask, but the words won't come out from his mouth.

"He'll be discharged the day after tomorrow. Everything's great, except his eyes," Youngtaek added.

Jaehyun was lucky there were no serious injury on his body. The only fatal wound was on his head. And he didn't whether he should be thankful or not. The damage could be permanent, Jaehyun could be permanently blind.

"I have good news though," Youngtaek said, and Jibeom's eyes perked up.

"What is it?" He hopefully asked. "Is it about his eyes? He… he regained his vision?"

Youngtaek's lips pressed into a thin line. "Not really, but Jaehyun.. he said he could see some light, he could see something move, but just its shadows. It's good.. We're hoping his vision would get better."

Jibeom let out a breath. His hand was a bit shaky when he ran his hand through his hair. "He.. He still can get his vision back right? Doctor said it's still possible… and how there's some progress. It's possible he can see again right?"

"The chance of total recovery is less than 5%, that's what the doctor said," Youngtaek said quietly. "But yes, this point, it'll be great even if he could only see shadows."

"He will recover," Jibeom gritted his teeth. "He has to."

Jaehyun couldn't be blind. He couldn't imagine Jaehyun spend the rest of his life in darkness. And… It's just a selfish thought, but how could he forgive himself if that happen?

"Hey," Youngtaek gently nudged his hand. "How are you?"

Jibeom breathed out harshly and unclenched his fist. He glanced at the older man and went back staring at the table. He must have looked awful. He must have eye bags from lack of sleep. He didn't comb his hair and just put on any clothes on top of the pile after he took a quick shower.

"Horrible," He answered and it was the truth. He barely functioned. His works were all halted. Daeyeol arranged everything for him. He couldn't work, couldn't eat and he couldn't stay still either. There were voices in his head telling him that everything was his fault. Every day, he's gripped with fear and guilt. "Taek, I need to see him."

"Jibeom-ah, I don't think it's a good idea."

Jibeom's heart sank. "He still doesn't want to see me?"

Youngtaek didn't say anything but his silence confirmed it.

"Just.. wait, okay? Let him have time to think with clear head. Talking now would only trigger him more."

Jibeom rubbed his forehead tiredly. "I want to apologize. This is my fault, but I'll make it better. I promise I will."

"Uhm.. Jibeom," Youngtaek toyed at his fingers nervously. At the gesture and his hesitant voice, Jibeom felt that there was worse to come. "Jaehyun said… He would stay at his parents' house.. He asked me to pack his clothes."

Of course, Jibeom bitterly thought. Why was he so confident, thinking once Jaehyun's discharged from hospital, he would come back home? Jaehyun didn't even want to look at him. But until when?

"He.. didn't want to go back with you."

_It was my last straw._

*****

Jibeom stepped into his studio. It's clean. Daeyeol hyung had always been good in organizing things. The trash he left had been cleared, unused crumpled papers had been thrown away. His books were stacked on the table, pens lining neatly on the side of the pile. 

His precious violin was on the table at the side of the room. It was the violin he bought years ago with Jaehyun. It's light, the sound was great, and it felt right in his hand. The instrument had accompanied him during his up and down. Although he possessed other violin, a more expensive one, but that violin was irreplaceable. 

But it was also the cause of everything bad in his life.

Because of it, he had become someone horrible. As music should be his happiness, it had become an obligation and pressure. He didn't feel happy anymore every time he played violin. When he played well, he's not satisfied. Instead, he felt burden to play even better the next time he performed. 

He had built his own prison, isolating himself within his own wall, and chased everyone away in process. He realized now how all this time, Jaehyun had tried to coax him out, but instead of obeying, he added thorns to the wall.

Now things had turned out like this.. What's the use of being top violinist?

Suddenly he hated his precious violin. Because of the violin, he lost everything.

He clenched his fists and strode angrily to the violin. He opened the case, grabbing the violin and smashed it hard to the ground. The handle cracked in instant, but he hadn't satisfied yet. He took it from the ground, smashed it over and over and finally threw it across the wall. The body cracked and fell to the ground with a loud thud. 

Jibeom breathed harshly, it was not enough to see his violin got ruined. The fire in the pit of his stomach was burning hot. He flipped the keyboard and kicked it. He turned the table upside down, trashed his books and manuscript papers. Still not satisfied with it, he tore the soundproof layer on the wall with his bare hands. 

Almost half of the layer was ruined when energy finally left his body, and he slumped down on the floor. His vision was blurry and it was then he realized he was crying.

The room was just as ruined as his life. How would he get through this? How would he pick up what's left on him? How would he continue with his life? How would he be free from the immense pain and guilt?

He had no idea.

He didn't know.

He didn't even want to think about it.

*****

It was hard for Jaehyun to accept reality. He was terribly in pain and denial because of his condition and his failed marriage. However, two weeks since then, he's not explosive like before.

He was still hoping that his eyes would recover, although the chance was almost none. He was getting better, although he couldn't see clearly. All he could see was shadows, and hazy, blurry forms with some colors. It was like a thick veil covered his eyes. Sometimes he felt an urge to rub his eyes hard to get rid of the veil.

His life had shattered in a split of second. There were times he deeply regret his life choices, and there were times he felt apologetic to his mother. Instead of being a child she could rely to, he had to rely on her again. There were times where he's afraid of his future. He couldn't work, he could function independently, and his marriage was over.

Thinking about Jibeom had always made him cry. He was still angry and devastated, but most of all he felt empty. It was a lie if he said he didn't love Jibeom anymore. Behind the Jibeom he hated, there was Jibeom whom he loved. Sometimes, he wondered, if only he's smarter, more observant, he could prevent Jibeom to change to the worse side of him. Jibeom was wrong, but he also wasn't capable to pull him out from the cliff.

He had always thought they're fated to be together. Maybe he's wrong.

His door clicked opened and he turned his head in instinct to the source of voice. A tall figure entered.

"I bring your favorite bread," Youngtaek's voice fleeted into his ears. 

Jaehyun blinked. He wasn't in the mood to eat even though it's his favorite, but Youngtaek bought it to him, he would eat it. Youngtaek had helped him a lot and he would show his gratitude by not moping in front of the man.

He pushed the book off his lap. He couldn't read any single words, but he could see colors and it comforted him a bit.

Youngtaek unwrapped the bread put into his hand.

"Thank you," He thanked the man and then took a bite.

Youngtaek didn't say anything at first, but he finally spoke a few minutes later.

"I brought your things… from your apartment," The man sounded like he's having a hard time talking. "I think I've taken all."

Jaehyun kept quiet. He didn't really care of his things. Nothing was really important aside from important legal papers and some stuffs. One thing rang in his mind was that, if Youngtaek went to the apartment, he must have met Jibeom.

He remembered how he shouted at his husband in the hospital, and it made him cringed. He realized he sounded like a madman, but at that time he was too devastated. He had never heard about Jibeom anymore since then. He caught Youngtaek and his mother talked about Jibeom with hushed tone when they thought he was sleeping, but they had never brought the matter in front of him. 

He respected it, and although he hated it, he wanted to know how Jibeom's doing.

Would he feel sad? Or would he continue with his life like nothing happened?

"Thanks," His voice was hoarse. "You.. You help me a lot."

"It's the least I can do, don't worry about it," Youngtaek tapped his arm in a friendly way. 

"Jaehyun," The man called after a few seconds. "Do you want to meet Jibeom?"

Jaehyun froze at the mention of his husband's name.

"I mean it's okay if you're not ready," Youngtaek quickly said. "I just think.. You two need to talk sooner or later. You.. You can't avoid him forever."

He still kept silent.

"He's very sorry. He asked me to tell you that he's deeply sorry. And he.. He would like to see you.." Youngtaek took a deep breath. "I don't know the detail of your problem, but Jaehyun.. I think he's sincere. It's been a long time since I saw him like that."

Jaehyun felt his throat constricted as he blinked back his tears. Hearing that Jibeom being sincere made his heart hurt. Did Jibeom really care? He didn't know whether he should believe it. He had trusted Jibeom and the man had broke his faith. He wasn't sure he knew Jibeom anymore.

And it's sad.

_Why did you change? Why are you being like this? Am I not good enough? Did you ever love me?_

Sometimes he wanted to ask Jibeom those questions. But he didn't want to confront him anymore. Every confrontations only made things worse.

"I don't know," He honestly told Youngtaek. "I'm scared. I'm not ready."

"It's ok," Youngtaek immediately sat beside him on the bed and pulled him into a side hug. "Take your time. It's fine. And when you're ready.. I can go with you if you want. Remember, you're not alone in this."

Jaehyun swallowed back his tears and nodded. "Thank you."

Youngtaek's face was even blur from this close distance. He could only see dark blurry spots where his eyes, and mouth supposed to be.

He hated that the first thing that came out in his mind was he couldn't clearly see Jibeom's face again.

*****

Youngtaek was a lifesaver. If he's left alone with Jibeom, he wouldn't know what he should do. 

He had asked his mother for privacy. It's not that he didn't trust her, he just didn't want to see her sad. It was enough to have a handicapped and soon to be divorced son, she didn't need to hear him fighting, in case it happened, with Jibeom.

Jibeom felt like something crawled along his skin and his stomach. He had goosebumps all over his body, and he felt uncomfortable as he felt Jibeom was staring at him.

They sat opposite each other, with a small table between them, and Youngtaek sitting by his side. It was a month after his accident that he told Youngtaek he's ready to face Jibeom. He needed to get over with this so he could focus continuing with his life. He wanted to close the old chapter in his life before he start new.

"How are you?" He heard Jibeom said. 

The voice struck him, giving another pain in his heart. Jibeom sounded weak, but he told himself not to be a softie. 

"I want to divorce," He said straightforwardly before he changed his mind. "I don't care about money or property. I just want to divorce as soon as possible."

There was a heavy silence once he stated his intention. He felt Youngtaek tensed beside him. The older man thought they'll talk, but didn't expect him to throw out the divorce card so soon.

"J-Jaehyun.. Please don't.. I'm sorry.."

He gasped when the silhouette that was supposed to be Jibeom suddenly moved to his side. Jibeom's hand touched his hand and his initial respond was to swat it away.

He couldn't see, but he could hear Jibeom's voice was shaking. Jibeom sounded pitiful, but what he felt was only anger.

"Why? Why are you acting like this now?" His own voice cracked. "Why are you begging now? This is what you want right? I won't nag you anymore. You can spend your time in your studio and starve. I won’t care anymore."

"No.. No I don't want that. I was wrong. I'm sorry."

Jibeom reached for his hand again and he stood up, stumbled on Youngtaek's feet in process, but luckily Youngtaek caught him. But he didn't care even if he fell. He just wanted to distance himself from Jibeom.

"I'm so sick of you," Jaehyun gritted his teeth in anger. "Even thinking about you makes me want to throw up. Sometimes I just wish to lose all my memory so I can forget you. I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore."

"I promise I'll change! Jaehyun, please! I… I'll quit. I'll quit everything. Just say what you want me to do and I'll do it."

The statement was shocking. Did he hear it right? Jibeom would quit for him? A cynical laugh escaped from his mouth. 

"Quit? You'll quit? Are you sure, Jibeom?"

"Yes, I will-"

"I don't believe you," He cut Jibeom off and shook his head. "I can't believe you anymore. You can do all you want, but nothing will change my mind. I hate you!"

"Jaehyun, calm down," Youngtaek held his shoulders and shushed him down. "Calm down."

But he didn't care. He just wanted to pour out his pain that he'd buried for years. He just wanted to let Jibeom know how much he'd hurt him.

"I hate you, Jibeom. I hate you."

Jibeom didn't say anything else before he left.

*****

When Jaehyun told Jibeom he hated him, he meant it.

He hated Jibeom for making him suffered and felt unloved. The other reason, he hated Jibeom for apologizing only after he got an accident. And the last reason, he hated Jibeom, because after all the man had done to him, he still loved him.

He didn't tell the truth when he said he didn't care. He still cared although he wished he didn't.

The apology stirred something inside his heart. Jibeom's broken plea softened his strong will. But the fear in him won. He didn't want to accept apology only to be disappointed again. Jibeom had changed, and there's no guarantee the accident would made him changed back. It might be a spur of emotion. Jibeom could only just talk to appease him.

He couldn't trust Jibeom.

His heart broke. Losing Jibeom was not only losing a lover, but also a friend. But he told himself over and over that he'll get over it. It'll be hard, but he'll be fine without Jibeom. He'll live better.

"Where should I sign it?"

His mother guided his hand to a certain spot, but didn't let go.

"Are you sure, Jaehyun-ah," She asked softly. 

He didn't answer, but gently shrugging her hand and put signature on it. He felt heavy but also relieved once he's done. His mother loved Jibeom. Although she noticed Jibeom lost his cheerful aura and absence in visits, she didn't know about their fights. He didn't have a heart to tell her. He just told her that they had conflict that couldn't be resolved anymore. 

"I'm sure," He sighed.

His mother pulled away but he caught her hand. "I'm sorry, mom," He swallowed thickly. "I'm sorry."

"What are you talking about, son," Her voice turned shaky and she immediately pulled her into a hug. "Why are you sorry, stupid."

"I'm scared," Her shaky voice ruined his defense. He felt like he became a child again. It's also the first time he shared his fear to his mother. Signing the divorce paper didn't mean he'll be a divorced man right away, but it's the first step. 

It's frightening that he had to take a new step with his condition. He didn't know what to do, what he's going to do. His future seemed bleak and hopeless. But he knew he couldn't dwell on his past. He's caught in the middle.

"I'm useless. I can't see, mom. I can't work, I can't do anything and I… I'll divorce. What will happen with me, mom? I don't know what to do."

He ended up crying in his mother's embrace, and she cried too, unable to hide her tears. 

"Don't worry, mom is here. We can do this, alright?" She peeled him off her and cupped his face. Her thumbs wiped his we face. But the action only made him cry more. Her face had always be imprinted in his head, but he wished he could see her, not only imagining. His sight was even more blurry now because of the tears. "We'll pull this through. We'll be okay."

*****

Jaehyun's mother worked in community center near their apartment complex. His late father passed them a fortune that should be enough for her to live, but after he got married, she decided to teach in the center to spend her time.

That's how Jaehyun ended up enrolling class for disability people in the community center. Her mother would drive them there, but most of the time, she'll accompany him walking to make him familiar with the area. He'd been living there since 7, but it's different with his limited sight. The cane was helpful, but it's uncomfortable because he sensed that people were staring at him.

He learnt how to read braille, drawing, typing and other useful tricks to live with his lack of sight and made a couple of friends who had similar disability. He learnt to be thankful because some friends he had met had totally lost their sight. At least he could see colors and silhouette. Although sometimes he still felt unfair, he slowly accepted his condition.

Night times was the worst time of the day, because as he lay down on his bed doing nothing. he couldn't help to think about Jibeom. He had learnt to laugh and smile again, but it was hard to keep on being happy and content. Their break up wasn't that nice and left a lot of pain.

He tried to make himself busy, learning things and exploring the area near his house so he would be drained out in the end of the day and fall asleep right away. Slowly, he started to grow optimist and confident after learning that with his disability, he still could fit in with the society. There were many things he needed to learn, but it's comforting to have friends who dealt with same things with him.

His mother gifted him a phone with physical keyboard as his accomplishment to go back and forth from home to the train station. It's an old type of phone that probably no one used anymore. Even the grandma lived next door had a touch screen smartphone, but he's happy anyway. The feature was limited, but at least he could use messaging apps and call. With his eyesight, that's all he needed. Other features were useless for him.

He'd been memorizing the position of the letters in the keyboard and now he's trying to text Youngtaek who's sitting just a meter beside him.

"Som Ryeongtes," Youngtaek read the message from his phone aloud. "That's a weird name and absolutely not mine."

Jaehyun kicked the man's legs and tried again.

"Oh! Son Younchek. It's better."

Better. Just a little bit more.

_Gwanghwamun Palace will be closed starting from May 10th. The heritage site suffered a leakage last week but thankfully no damage was reported._

Jaehyun frowned, trying to concentrate. The sound of news and Youngtaek's restless feet was distracting. 

The top row, fifth button from the left.

_Gwanghwamun Palace is planned to be reopened on May 28th-_

Then, second row, fourth button from the right..

_South Korea's top violinist, Kim Jibeom, has officially halted his activities for indefinite time-_

Jaehyun froze. Youngtaek's feet stopped moving too.

_Kim Jibeom has resigned from his position in Seoul Philharmonic Orchestra, as well as cancelled his plan to make a concert. The agency released statement that Kim Jibeom will take indefinite hiatus from his activities. Kim Jibeom was reported to be in the process of divorce with his spouse-_

The sound suddenly stopped as Youngtaek turned off the TV. For a while, nobody's talking. Jaehyun was lost in his thought. Did Jibeom really quit? What would he do if he quit? Violin was his world. He couldn't imagine Jibeom without music. Ever since young, he had not other dream aside from music.

But why should he care?

He shouldn't. He didn't have to care anymore. But it's not like he could help it.

He hated that he's worried.

"Why did you so typing," Youngtaek said, but it didn't sound like he's scolding him. It's more like he said anything to fill the silence.

Jaehyun looked up from his phone. "Do you know anything about it?"

He shouldn't have asked, but he needed to know.

It took Youngtaek a long time to answer. "I only heard things.. And I accidentally met Daeyeol hyung yesterday. He told me Jibeom had terminated his contract. Hyung is assigned to other artist now."

"Then," Jaehyun trailed old, his fingers were fiddling on the keyboard. "What will he do?"

"I.. don't know.. Hey, Jae," Youngtaek suddenly called him with firm tone, as if he had decided on something. 

"What?" 

"You-" Youngtaek started hesitantly, then he paused. "Forget it. Should we start again? You still haven't typed my name correctly."

Jaehyun was still curious (and worried), but he thought maybe it's better that he didn't know anything.

He shouldn't care, that's what he said to himself over and over again.

*****

Jaehyun knew he couldn't lie to himself again the day he received information from his lawyer that Jibeom too, had finally signed the divorce paper. It took Jibeom almost a month to sign it. But the surprising thing was that Jibeom will give him a huge sum of money as divorce settlement. He didn't expect any cent from Jibeom, and the sum mentioned by the lawyer made him astonished. He didn't even think Jibeom was that rich. Did Jibeom even have money left for him? Didn't Jibeom halt his activites for indefinite time?

He really couldn't understand Jibeom. He's frustrated, he wanted to know what's in Jibeom's head. 

In the darkness, Jaehyun patted the bedside table and found his phone. He turned it on again, and called Youngtaek. He didn't know what time it was, and Youngtaek might have gone to sleep. But he couldn't wait for tomorrow.

"Hello," Youngtaek's voice sounded hoarse like he'd just woken up. "Jaehyun, It's almost midnight. What happened?"

"Taek.. I need to talk to Daeyeol hyung. Can you.. Can you give me his number?"

"Y-you do?" Youngtaek suddenly didn't sound sleepy anymore.

"Yes," Jaehyun replied. "Taek, Lawyer Kim came this evening.. and he.. I need to know some things from Daeyeol hyung."

"Hey, I'll.. I'll contact hyung okay? I'll tell him to call you. Jaehyun.. I'm sorry I'm only saying this now," Youngtaek sighed. "Actually.. when we met the other day.. He told me he wanted to meet you, but I don't think you want it. I don't want to see you upset."

Jaehyun took a deep breath. He couldn't believe he'll do this. He wanted to start new, but it's not that easy. He's curious and yet afraid to know what Daeyeol wanted to tell him. It's certainly about Jibeom.

"It's fine, Taek," He bit his lips. "And yeah, that would be a great help. Please tell him to call me."

"Yeah, alright. I'll message him right away."

"Thank you."

"Jae.."

"Yeah?"

"Tell me if you need me to be there."

Jaehyun felt so grateful towards Youngtaek. He didn't know what would he do without him. Since the accident, he had depended a lot of Youngtaek and the other man had never complained. He's always ready to help him. However, this time, he wanted to do it on his own.

"I will, Taek. Thank you."

*****

Daeyeol called 5 minutes after he ended call with Youngtaek, and it was decided that the man would come to his house the next day, early in the morning.

His mother had left for the community center and he was left alone, waiting for Daeyeol. He had had breakfast, dressed neatly and waited on the couch. Daeyeol could come anytime soon.

The doorbell rang after long agonizing minutes and he immediately made his way to the door. 

"Oh, Jaehyun.." 

Jaehyun was suddenly engulfed in a tight hug. It's familiar. The scent, the voice, the presence.

"How are you? Are you okay?"

"Hyung," He squinted, an instinct as he tried to look at Daeyeol properly, and smiled. "I'm good. Let's.. Come in."

Daeyeol helped him to go to the living room.

"I'm sorry I didn't visit earlier," Daeyeol said once they're seated on the couch. "Things were hectic and.. I'm not sure you want to see me."

The last sentence was said quietly and Jaehyun immediately shook his head. "No, hyung. Of course I don't have such thoughts."

Daeyeol had been Jibeom's manager for years and he knew the man well. Daeyeol was the one who understood him and always advise Jibeom to take some time off.

"I'm glad we can meet now," Daeyeol said. "Anyway.. Youngtaek told me that you wanted to meet me?"

Jaehyun bit his lips and nodded hesitantly. "There are some things I want to ask you, hyung."

"Just ask, Jaehyun-ah."

"Jibeom…" He paused. It felt weird to call his husband's name. "I heard he stopped his activities."

His chest felt heavy with anticipation as he waited Daeyeol to answer.

"Yes, Jaehyun," Daeyeol said with a deep sigh. "Every schedules and events are cancelled for now. Jibeom.. He's not in good shape. Ever since it happened, he hadn't doing well. He's not coping well."

Jaehyun felt ached. Did it really affect Jibeom that much?

"He's…" Daeyeol stopped, and then Jaehyun heard the man took something on the floor and unzipped it. He knew that sound. A plucking sound followed with a echoed string sound was made when Daeyeol unstrapped the instrument. 

Daeyeol stood up and sat right on his side. The older man carefully lifted his hand, and slid the violin on his lap.

Jaehyun gasped when he touched it. Instead of 4 rigid strings lining along on the fingerboard, he found loose strings. And as he mapped the instrument with his fingers, he found that the neck was broken and the pegs were not complete. He couldn't see, but he could imagine how wrecked the violin looked like.

"Jibeom did this," Daeyeol said quietly. I found him in the studio. He tore his manuscript papers, his books, the soundproof layer, and this… It's his favorite violin."

Jaehyun couldn't believe his ears. "Hyung... You're.. lying right? Jibeom did this?"

"He did the same thing on the studio in his apartment. The other violin ended with the same fate as this one. His CD collections, his laptop.. I can't save them."

Jaehyun ran his fingers on the ruined violin. His whole body was shaking. What was exactly in Jibeom's mind? That was crazy. He couldn't possibly do this. That’s not what he wanted too. 

"Jaehyun-ah.." Daeyeol called softly. "I know I'm not in the right position to ask you this. But Jibeom.. No matter how hardheaded he is, although I'm no longer his manager, I consider him as my own brother. Can you please talk to him? He's really not in his right mind, I'm worried.. I don't ask you to forgive him, I've no right to do that. Just maybe.. talk some sense to him.. He'll listen to you."

"Will he, hyung?" Jaehyun asked back after he recovered from the shock. "He'd never listened to me. Not after he's lost in his own world."

"He will," Daeyeol replied with conviction. "He'll listen, I know. Please, just this time."

The prospect of meeting Jibeom scared him to the core, and it's so scary how Jibeom destroyed his works and his violin. He's worried, but he didn't know whether he's ready to face him without freaking out. He's still hurting, and their last meeting didn't end well.

"What will he do now after dropping everything? Did he tell you, hyung?"

"He didn't tell me, Jaehyun-ah. He barely talked to me, and I had to drag him to psychiatrist because I'm worried. Doctor said he had signs depression. I tried to check on him from time to time, but sometimes I'm so busy-"

"How bad is it hyung?" Jaehyun asked in alarmed. He had never dealt with depressed people, but he knew it can be very bad. Just to think about it, he shivered.

"It's not really bad, but still, we can't underestimate it. He got pills, and schedule therapy but I got a call that he skipped some appointments-"

"Where is he now, hyung? Is he alone?" He started to lose a grip. His heart was racing. Suddenly he regretted all the harsh words he threw to Jibeom the last time they met. 

"He's in the apartment, he didn't go anywhere. Just.. he just locked himself inside the house. His cousin, Donghyun, moved to stay with him, but he also have to leave for work on weekdays.."

Jibeom had nobody aside from his aunt's family from his father's side. He needed to be there. "I… I want to check on him."

He heard Daeyeol released a relieved sigh. "Thank you, Jaehyun-ah. Thank you.. so much.."

"Are you free now, hyung? Can you take me there?"

*****

The manager had schedule at 11 so he told Daeyeol to leave after helping him to go inside the apartment. Daeyeol insisted he'll leave only after he met Jibeom.

He's nervous but also full of anticipation. He had no idea what he's going to say, or how their conversation would end. How long he'll stay? It'll be a trouble to go back home, but maybe Youngtaek could fetch him or the security guard in the lobby could help him hail a cab. It wasn't his priority though.

Familiar feeling surrounded him once he stepped inside the apartment. He walked with his cane while Daeyeol moved first to check where Jibeom was. Jaehyun squeezed his cane hard as he waited in the living room to ease his nervousness. 

"Jibeom-ah," He heard Daeyeol said in coaxing tone, then he heard shuffling sound. Daeyeol talked again in hushed tone, then a few moment later, he heard footsteps coming out from the room. He looked up to the source of voice. Only blurry silhouettes came into a view, and one of them moved approaching him while the other stayed unmoving.

"Call me if you need something," Daeyeol said quietly. The man had put his number on his speed dial before the went up. He nodded and thanked him. He almost gripped Daeyeol's hand refusing to let go. Suddenly he felt scared. He knew Jibeom won't hurt him, but Jibeom wasn't in his right mind. What if…

He stopped himself from having bad thoughts and stilled his feet on the floor.

Jibeom didn't say anything at all, he didn't move too. Everything seemed froze around them. Jaehyun felt the similar ache he felt for years. In front of him, was the man he's known for more than 10 years, someone whom he cherished a lot. It shouldn't be like this. Jibeom's stillness somehow made it hurt even more. It's like the man was just an empty body, like he had given up everything.

Or maybe he did.

Jaehyun cupped his mouth with his palm, trying to shut himself from making any sound, but it's hard. It's hard to swallow back his cry. Why did he always cry when Jibeom was around? He didn't come to cry, he came to talk. But how could he talk if his throat constricted like this? It hurt even more when Jibeom still didn't move or say anything at all.

Jibeom had really messed up with his mind.

"I've always thought I know you," He finally succeed to say it out loud. "I thought I know you the best, but.. I was wrong. All this time.. Apparently I don't know you at all."

"The Jibeom I agreed to marry was a kind and caring man. He's talented but terribly humble. He has strong dedication to his passion, he had never given up, but he had never forgot me. Even during a long, tiring and harsh day, he would call me, sharing his worries with me, and I love it when he asked me to cheer for him. He would be satisfied and happy even if I only said 'fighting'. That's why I married him, because I know, I could give him happiness as much as the happiness he'd given to me."

"You're not that Jibeom anymore," His voice cracked in the end. And he wiped his tears that escaped from his eyes. 

"I hate that you ignored me, told me not to care anymore, but after the accident you changed. Are you pitying me? Do you feel sorry now that you give me a lot of money for divorce settlement? Do you think money could compensate everything? And now what.. You quit music? You're not playing violin and wasting yourself like this? Huh? Are you playing with me??"

Jaehyun was getting more emotional. Jibeom still didn't answer and he badly wanted to cross the room and shook Jibeom hard. It's frustrating, he thought he would explode from frustration. He's going to speak more when suddenly he heard Jibeom's voice.

"I was going to come," The voice was so small, so weak and hollow, it made his heart clenched.

"You've always been the one who gave in, and I might have took advantage of it," Jibeom continued. "When you said that.. When you told me it was your last straw, I suddenly feel scared. What if you're really grow tired of me, what if you leave. I might not show it, but I know I've abandoned you, but every time my heart remind me of that, I've always shaken the thought away. I'm too prideful to admit. I just want you to know.. that night.. I was going to come. I failed to come on time and… There's no excuse for it."

Jaehyun tried to calm his ragged breath. That night, Jibeom didn't abandon him. He was late, but he's planning to come. He didn't know what to feel after getting that information. He didn't know whether he should believe him.

"For the money," Jibeom spoke again. "I know it's nothing compared to what I've put you through. But it's the best I can do, I have nothing else to give you."

Jaehyun found himself in a sobbing mess after hearing what Jibeom said. He could feel the sincerity behind those words. Suddenly he found the old Jibeom standing in front of him, not the top violinist Jibeom, but Kim Jibeom, they boy who had stole his heart.

"Then why?" Jaehyun asked between his sobs. "Why did you stop playing violin? It's your dream.. All you've wanted to do is to play violin."

"Does it even matter anymore?" Jibeom's voice was shaking as well as if he's crying too. "When I see it, it reminds me of how I've become the worst version of me. It reminds me of you, and how much I've made you suffer. All this time, I've been too focused on it that I turn blind eye of everything else, of you. And now that everything's crumbling down, I realized that violin, being the top violinist, doesn't give me happiness anymore. I'm striving to be the best, but see how much it cost me. I've trapped in my own ambition, and I went down with it."

"I was never happy. It's pressure that kept me going, violin and music.. It once gave me happiness, but not anymore."

"Then.. What will you do?" Jaehyun asked. 

It took a long time before Jibeom answered. "I don't know."

Jibeom was lost, and it made Jaehyun cry even more. His body moved on its own accord. He let his cane go and walked hastily to where Jibeom's silhouette was. But only after two steps his leg bumped into something and it sent him sprawled on the floor.

Funnily it finally made Jibeom move. In a split second, the prodigy was on his side, helping him to sit on the floor.

"Are you okay?" Jibeom's panicky voice and wandering hand on his knee, searching for any injury, ignited a longing feeling. It's been a while Jibeom showed a caring side of him like this. "Where did you bump the table? Is it here?"

His left shin hurt, but it wasn't that hurt. He didn't feel it hurt, not when Jibeom's worrying over him.

He caught Jibeom's hand and trying his best to stare right into his eyes. "Don't punish yourself anymore. If you're sorry to me, the live well. Do the things that make you happy. I.. I don't like to see you like this. I will also live well. Let's.. let's live well, okay. Do you understand, Jibeom-ah?" He shook Jibeom's hand, urging the man to reply. "Answer me. Do you understand?"

Instead of answering, Jibeom hugged him. The man buried his head on his shoulders. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Jaehyun-ah. I'm sorry."

Jibeom cried loudly like the day he lost his parents. Although he didn't want to hear Jibeom apologizing anymore, Jaehyun let him be. Just like how much he cried after he found out he'd loss his vision, maybe Jibeom needed to cry too so he felt relieved after that.

His heart ached to see Jibeom like this. Jibeom's cry made him cry too, but Jaehyun decided this time he should be strong. He didn't know how to comfort him, so he just hold Jibeom back, his hands gingerly patted the prodigy's back in comforting manner. He wished their tears will wipe away the pain, even if it's just a bit.

*****

"Am I easy?"

Youngtaek was silent for a few seconds and then the man scoffed. "Of course you're easy. You've always been so easy. That's a compliment," The taller man quickly said while dodging his flailing hand. "It means you're kind."

Jaehyun sighed. "You know that's not what I mean."

"Is this about the letter?"

The letter from the court arrived that morning, telling him that the mediation schedule was out. He's supposed to go to court next week. They're one step closer to a divorce. It's getting real.

Jaehyun felt heavy.

"I guess?"

"Do you change your mind?" 

"I don't know."

"You're wavering," Youngtaek said softly, understandingly. "You have a doubt."

He did have a doubt, especially after he met Jibeom.

After getting tired of crying, they sat quietly on the floor, then Jibeom insisted to drive him home. Jibeom also asked for his new number, hesitantly asked whether it's okay to call him sometimes. He said yes.

Jibeom called him that night, and the night after, and the night after that. Jibeom called every night, sometimes it's just a short call, asking whether he had eaten, or what did he do that day. Sometimes they got carried away, and spent hours on the phone. It was like back then when they're dating, the only difference was they're conversing awkwardly. 

They're in limbo. They're not shouting at each other anymore, but they didn't make up too. They're like walking around, avoiding the destination.

Not ever once they talk about they're divorce.

The talk brought back old flame. All this time, it had never died. 

Jaehyun suddenly anticipating night times when he went to his room after brushing teeth. He would sit on the bed, sometimes on the study chair, busying himself with anything available but his mind would wait for the call.

Talking with Jibeom was easy, even after all they've been through. The conversation moved naturally, and time always went by so fast when they talked. He felt disappointed when they had to end the call, and finally Jaehyun realized he's doomed when he got panic and sad when Jibeom didn't call for a day.

Suddenly he didn't want to divorce. But at this point, would Jibeom still want him? His soon to be ex had never spoken about his intention to fix their relationship. What if he's comfortable being friends like this? 

It'll also be weird if he told Jibeom he's considering his decision. He was the one who wanted to divorce. He had pride, and there's still a doubt left.

Jaehyun sighed and buried his head on his knees. He was lucky enough never had a heartbreak before he's with Jibeom. The worry and pain was just torturing.

Jibeom was recovering. He went to therapies, he exercised, and he's currently in Jeju to cleanse his mind. Jibeom's doing well as Jaehyun told him. He should be happy, Jaehyun was aware, but he also felt left behind and insecure. 

Jibeom was fine without him.

He felt Youngtaek massaged his shoulders tenderly. "Just tell him what's in your mind."

"It's not that easy," He mumbled.

"What to do with you," Youngtaek sighed and hauled his body and he ended up laying on his side while Youngtaek was back hugging him like he's hugging a bolster. Jaehyun just let Youngtaek. He needed some comfort too.

"Should I talk to him?"

Jaehyun shook his head. Jibeom might have realized he's okay without him, and he still wasn't sure about what he's feeling. One moment he wanted to cancel the divorce process, but one moment, he thought maybe it's the best. They're wounded and it might never heal.

"You'll just go with it?" Youngtaek asked.

He didn't answer it but Youngtaek didn't push him either. In the spur moment, he decided to consider decision only if Jibeom took a step forward first. He'll stay where he is, waiting. He wished this time Jibeom won't be late.

*****

"Hey. How's Jeju?"

"Jeju is great," Jibeom said. "It's so hot, my skin is burnt."

"Really?" Jaehyun tried to sound enthusiastic but failed. Call him whinny. He's happy Jibeom's enjoying himself, but he couldn't help to feel bitter remembering that both of then had never spent holiday together in the past few years. And with his limitation right now, he would never see beautiful sky and ocean.

Jibeom must have sensed it because he stopped talking. Jaehyun felt bad so he tried to lighten the mood. "I bet you didn't use your sunscreen. You've never wanted to use sunscreen."

"It's sticky," Jibeom mumbled cutely, making Jaehyun smile. That's the power Jibeom had in him. One second before he wasn't in the mood, but a second later he smiled.

"Just go and buy one before you're burnt even more."

There's a shuffling sound, and then Jibeom said, "Jaehyun.. I.. I'm actually back.. I'm in Seoul right now."

Jaehyun immediately sat straight. "What? I thought.. You'll be back on Wednesday? It's only what.. Monday?"

"I've just arrived a few hours ago. There are things I have to do," Jibeom trailed off.

"Oh.." He didn't ask what he's going to do although he wanted to know. He didn't want to sound imposing. "Oh."

"What are you doing right now. Am I disturbing you?" Suddenly Jibeom changed the topic.

"No, not at all. I'm just reading," He answered, absentmindedly tracing the letters on his book with his fingers.

"Jaehyun.. You know, I've been thinking.." Jibeom sounded hesitant. "Since the mediation is next week.."

Jaehyun felt like his heart stopped for a while. It's the first time they're talking about their divorce. What would Jibeom say about it?

He gripped his phone tighter. "Yeah?"

"Can we meet to talk? 

Jaehyun stood out and paced around a circle nervously in his room. "Uhm.. If you want to.."

He heard Jibeom chuckled breathlessly in the other side of the line. "I want to."

He sucked a deep breath. God was unfair, how could He gave Jibeom good look, talent and good voice at the same time. How could he say no when Jibeom talk to him softly like that.

"O-Okay. When.. and where?"

"Uhm.. I'm actually outside right now-"

"You what?" He stopped pacing. "Like outside.. my house?"

"Yes."

Jaehyun didn't twice. He dropped his phone and blindly reaching for his cane. 

"Where are you going?" His mother asked him once he went out from the room.

"Jibeom.." He wheezed. "He's outside."

His mother didn't say anything, but she helped him towards the door. "I can see his car," She said while opening the door and patted him understandingly. "Invite him inside if you want, I'll be in my room."

"Thanks mom."

He heard the sound of the car's door opening and closing once the door closed behind him.

"I thought you freaked out and disconnected," Jibeom tried to joke.

Jaehyun bit his lips. "You surprised me. Do you want to come in?"

"It's late, I won't be long," Jibeom rejected, and it made Jaehyun sad.

"It's not that I don't want to stay," Jibeom clarified as if he could read his mind. "I want to.. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"You're not," Jaehyun said before he could stop himself.

It was dark, and the lamp light wasn't doing good job. He barely saw anything. He badly wanted to see Jibeom's face.

"Jaehyun, I.. I've been thinking.. about us."

Jaehyun held his breath. The nervousness was no joke, he felt his body shuddered.

"I know I've messed up so badly, I've hurt you that no apology could make up the things I've done to you. But.. If you let me.. I'll try to make it up to you for the rest of my life. I don't know how, but I'll do everything you want. Let's go on vacation, let's go to Yeosu and stay in the hotel you liked. Let's go to Busan, we can drop by the little cafe beside the beach and drink coffee. And let's adopt a dog, a bichon, just the way you like. I'll be your eyes, I'll describe everything so although you can't see, you'll know how they look like."

"Y-You remember," he said shakily. His eyes were hot and his throat clogged up. He didn't think Jibeom would remember all the things he said to the man. He didn't think Jibeom even listen.

"I'll take care of you, I promise," Jibeom gingerly reached for his hand. Jibeom's hand was cold. "I'll listen to you, I'll.. I'll never hurt you. Please give me a chance to make it up to you."

Jaehyun felt like he's going to cry. Jibeom made him cry again, but this time it was cry of relief.

"Please.. at least consider about it?" 

This time, Jibeom's not late.

*****

He didn't answer right away. Jibeom didn't expect him to. But Jaehyun knew the answer already.

With Youngtaek's help, he bought a new violin. It's different from Jibeom's previous violin, but it's the same brand. Jibeom said violin had made him turn to the worst version of him, but Jaehyun thought it's not true. It's the ambition and pressure that made Jibeom changed. 

Being a prodigy was a blessing yet a curse. People set high standard on you, and you have to race to catch up to that standard. He didn't want Jibeom to feel that pressure, but he knew how violin brought happiness to Jibeom, and he didn't want Jibeom to lose that.

"Are you at home?" He asked once Jibeom answered the call. He was in the car with Youngtaek. The brand new violin was safely tucked on the backseat. 

"Yes," Jibeom answered confusedly. "Why?"

Jaehyun took a deep breath. "Stay there. I'm coming." He ended the call before Jibeom answered.

"You sound so cool, you know," Youngtaek chuckled. "Stay there, I'm coming. I feel like watching drama."

"Shut up," Jaehyun grumbled while unbuckling his belt. "You're totally ruining the mood."

Youngtaek chuckled again and went out from the car. Jaehyun had just closed the door but Youngtaek had already on his hide with the violin case on his hand. The taller man helped him to Jibeom's apartment unit in 7th floor, and by the time they stopped in front of the door, Youngtaek handed the violin to him and hugged him.

"Go for it."

He smiled. "Thanks, Taek."

"I believe you don't need a ride home?" The man teased him, and suddenly Jaehyun was attacked with panic wave.

"Wait.. Taek, what if he has something to do? Should I come other time? Let's get back."

"What? What are you talking about? We're here! Why should you leave?"

"B-but. I come without notice-"

"You're driving me crazy," Youngtaek muttered under his breath and took initiative to ring the doorbell.

"Taek!"

"He's jobless, he has nothing to do. Good luck."

"Taek!" 

"See you later!"

He heard beeping sound of elevator.

"Taek, wait!"

It's too late. The door was opened.

"Jaehyun, what are you-"

He tried to hide the violin case but it's too big. He guessed Jibeom stopped talking because he saw the item.

"Come in."

Jibeom smelled fresh like shower gel, so he guessed the man had just taken shower. Jibeom helped him to sit on the couch.

"I'm sorry for coming so sudden. I hope I'm not disturbing you," He stuttered. "I was nearby and-"

"Jaehyun, that's fine," He could imagine Jibeom smiling from the tone. "Besides…"

Jaehyun looked up at Jibeom's sudden hesitancy.

"This is still your house."

Jaehyun felt warm. "About that," He licked his lips in nervousness and lifted the violin up, offering it to the violinist.

"I want to give you this."

Jibeom didn't immediately accept it. 

"What's this for?" The man weakly asked.

Jaehyun huffed. He put the case on his lap and opened it. Delicately, he took the violin out from its case and gave it to Jibeom. Still, the man didn't accept it.

"A violinist need his violin," Jaehyun said. 

He heard Jibeom ragged breath. "I've told you I've stopped playing."

Jaehyun's heart softened. "You love violin, Jibeom. I can't imagine you without playing violin. It's your world. I don't want you to stop because of what had happened."

"I.. I can't.." Jibeom stuttered. "I can't play anymore. I don't want to."

"Then can you just play for me?" He asked. "Can you play Love Bloom for me?"

It was the first song Jibeom composed, it was a song written for him for their marriage anniversary. Jibeom said it's a song about their love story.

"Please?"

Jibeom still didn't answer and he started to worry whether he'd pushed Jibeom too hard. He understood Jibeom's fear and hesitance, he wished Jibeom could overcome it, but maybe it's too fast.

Just as he was going to keep the violin again, Jibeom took it.

"I've said I'll do anything you want right," He heard Jibeom's strained chuckle. "But it's been a long time since I play.."

Jaehyun smiled softly. "You always sound wonderful."

Jibeom tuned the violin first, and when he's finished, he started to play.

Jibeom said it's been along time since he played, but he played so well even from the start. It was like he'd practiced everyday for this. Every note was flawless, the vibration, spiccato, the dynamic.. As expected from the prodigy. The melody was beautiful, but it also became alive in Jibeom's hand. 

It's not a sad piece, but his eyes turned wet. His memory flew back to the past when they first met, their friendship, their dates.. Jaehyun smiled between his tears. Who knew they'll end up like this. Their relationship was bittersweet, but Jaehyun thought they'd passed the roughest part of their life. He could see light from inside the dark tunnel. They're getting there, to the light.

The song ended but the last note lingered. Nobody said a thing. Jaehyun could only hear his and Jibeom's breathing.

"I hope you keep on playing, Jibeom-ah. Not for others, but for yourself," Jaehyun finally said.

"I.. I don't know.."

"I know you're scared, but let's do this slowly," He suggested. "One step at a time. Together."

Jaehyun bit his lips nervously as he spoke the last word.

"Jaehyun.."

"Let's go to Yeosu, let's go to Busan and visit ever cute cafes out there. And.. I want to name my dog Bongji."

In a blink of eye, he was already in Jibeom's embrace. 

"Thank you. I promise I'll never make you cry again. I promise. Jaehyun, God, thank you. I'll make this work. This time.. I won't mess up anymore. I promise."

A real genuine laugh escaped from Jaehyun's lips. He pulled out, and mapped Jibeom's face with his hand. Jibeom's face was damp, and he could feel the man's sunken cheeks. He woukd fix it.

Jaehyun smiled. "Let's make this work, Jibeom-ah."

Their love bloomed again.

*****

"Bongji-aahh, sit down," Jaehyun giggled as the bichon licked his face. "You make my face wet."

Bongji wiggled his tail and made himself comfortable on his lap. "Good boy," He patted the dog and leaned down on the couch.

It was a lazy afternoon. The rain had just stopped, and Jaehyun was having his leisure time listening to the TV show while enjoying his coffee. The TV was playing a music program and he enjoyed listening to it while watching blurry colors dancing on his vision. His hands softly combing Bongji's white fluffy fur.

Not long after, Bongji started to wiggle again.

"Bongji-ah, what's wrong hm?"

Suddenly Bongji jumped from his lap to he other side of the couch. "Bongji-"

Bongji barked, but Jaehyun's attention suddenly was caught by the familiar name mentioned from TV. Bongji apparently had stepped on the remote and accidentally changed the channel.

"So Jibeom-sshi, you've taken a sudden two years of hiatus from your activities. We're especially very surprised that you resigned from Seoul Philharmonic Orchestra, and you also resigned feom your agency and cancelled a series of concert. What made you took such a sudden, drastic move?"

"Things were rough for me at that moment," Jibeom sounded calm as he answered. "It was maybe the hardest moment in my life. I have some personal issues, and I struggled a lot. At that time, I really wanted to give up everything. It was a drastic move, but I really wasn't in a good condition to do activities."

"There was also report about your husband got into accident and he filed for divorce. It must be a hard time for you."

"Yes. It was… The worst.. Until now, I'm really apologetic to my husband. He's always been my greatest supporter, but I took him for granted. I was too occupied with my music and work, that I started to neglect my family. The accident was a harsh wake up call for me."

"Is your husband alright now? How about your relationship?"

"He's good. The accident.. Caused problem to his vision, but he's been coping so well. Our relationship is better than ever. I've realized my mistakes, and I've set my priority now. My family is my top priority."

"That's nice to hear. But I believe many people is wondering, You've composed songs again, but you do it individually and you've never performed in public anymore. What is your activity aside from composing? Do you have plan to hold a recital or tour?"

"I compose songs because I enjoy it, and I don't want people to dictate what I should and shouldn't do when it's related to music. I just want to do it as I like it to be. I'm focusing on my family now, you know, just doing domestic things. Aside from that, although I've quit from orchestra, I help them to train the members. There are so many talented young artists out there, and rather than being on the spotlight, I'm happy just to see young artist grow and performed well. I have no plan for recital or tour, at least not for now."

"I see you're very content with your life now."

"Yes, I do."

"You've come back after a long hiatus and you really are glowing right now."

"I'm just happy and content." He heard Jibeom laugh.

"If I can ask, what or who helped you to pass your darkest time?"

"My husband," Jibeom answered without hesitation. "My other family, my ex manager and my friends too, but I'm here right now, is mostly thanks to my husband. We've known each other for years, and I'm glad I have him. He's so understanding and forgiving. It cost him his vision to make me realize how I've chased useless vain things before. But he helped me to realize, that my career is not everything. Being a top violinist is not everything. I've lost the joy in playing violin because of the constant pressure and people's expectation in me. I've forgotten what made he fall in love with violin in the first place. It's not about being the best, but how you enjoy and how it give you happiness."

"That's really nice to hear, Jibeom-sshi. I've heard your new songs and I really like it. Can you tell me a bit about your new song?"

"I got inspired when I went to countryside a few weeks ago. I love the scenery, the green grass field and the mountains. It's beautiful and such a waste if I don't make a song for it. If you listen to it, I hope you can get the picture of it."

"Oh, I think I can imagine it. So it's a song of nature in countryside."

"Hm, yes you can say it like that.

"That's impressive. And Jibeom-sshi, I notice almost all of your composed songs are dedicated for your husband."

"Yes. It'll be unfair if I enjoy the beauty of this world. I want my husband to enjoy it too. I don't know if he can see it, but I promised him I'll be his eyes, and I'll let him see the world through my music."

*****

Jibeom's words still lingered in his mind as he cuddled with his husband on the couch after dinner, with Bongji was lazily perched on his lap.

"Jibeom-ah.."

"Yes?"

Jibeom was rubbing his arm with his finger gently. It's comfortable. He felt loved, overwhelmingly. He hoped Jibeom was happy too like him. He had limitations, but he tried his best. Jibeom had also tried hard to prove himself, to make it up for him, and he appreciate it. He's thankful.

It he had to lose his vision to get Jibeom to his right mind, he thought it's worth it. Besides, he had Jibeom who had become his eyes.

"I can see it."

"See what?" Jibeom sounded surprised

He smiled and faced his husband. "I can see the world."

*****


End file.
